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bentley wood

by katharine eastman

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Scott Lawlor
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bentley wood 59:11
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about

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going back to doing the kind of stuff I was doing a couple of months ago - tinkly waves of glooping keys. The usual thing happened as soon I finished making it and started to hear it - "oh god, it's just like everything else, except it's worse" - but then after five minutes it started to work that certain slo-mo bludgeoning charm - I think it's okay - the sound of me treading water a bit - but that was always the purpose of this site - "no 'progress'!!!" - so, oh god it's just like everything else, except it's newer
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That's the first parasol mushroom I've seen this autumn. It was on the cusp of being maggoty and leathery, but not too bad. I could easily be a diet bore, so I try to resist, and I only ever talk about my weight-loss when other people steer things that way, and even then I try to change the subject asap. The main horrifying thing I learnt while dieting was just how little food we really need each day.

Basically I can keep at a steady weight from today until my coffin on just a normal-sized breakfast alone - no other meal at all during the day. And if I know I'm going to eat out later in the day, then I'll skip breakfast. It's a big sadness to me that this means I no longer do any proper cooking - you know, recipes from magazines and weird new ingredients and the excitement of a creation that's original - cooking and sex and gardening and other mundane-seeming activities are actually great ways for us all to easily express ourselves blah blah blah.

And now cooking isn't really open for me anymore. Getting rid of nearly all of my pots and pans and all that stuff that I acquired at car boot sales when I moved into this place - it was more painful parting with all that than e.g. parting with my vinyl or books etc etc. However I do still have a huge ten-ton second-hand cast iron frying pan and it will be like Christmas morning to fire it up first thing tomorrow and fry that parasol mushroom - frying that mushroom will be the first bit of proper cooking I've done in nearly 2 years.
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(recorded this evening, photo Bentley Wood near West Dean, today)
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released October 13, 2021

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