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break​-​up music

by katharine eastman

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Scott Lawlor
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break-up music 59:12
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one of those long almost-rhythmic electronic-feeling looping things - plenty of echo with this one - I find in this long musical life that echo or reverb can cover up almost any sin or deficiency - in this case echo is yr plastic surgeon
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Lunchtime today my girlfriend treated me to lunch at Porters Steakhouse over by Queens Park. It's only the second time we've met in about 6 weeks. The other time was at The Pig in Brockenhurst. Two of the most expensive places in the south. But then, eating out once every three weeks you can do stuff poshly. I'll just pass on our joint opinion that Porters is better than The Pig - nice people, comfy seating, much better food - the chips are to live for.

We've had weeks apart so she can work out if life without me is better/worse than what we had before - what we had before was fine for me, but not enough for her. And she wondered if nothing is better than middling. Well I could've told her straight away that of course it is. All or nothing - always. Middling is for the middling take-em-or-leave-em people people who wash up on shore with one tide and wash away on the next.

So that's that then. Days like these always have a wonderful melancholia - a sadness that I know exists but which I always feel I'm observing as an outsider, not experiencing as the actual person it's happening to. I'm not that upset, because I know we'll get back together one day - I'm certain of it. We're both too weird and too difficult to live with to be with anyone else - just as the only person who should ever marry an unmarryable person is another unmarryable person - because neither gets upset when the other does selfish weird unmarryable things - like needing to be alone six and seven-eighths days a week.

But the most important thing about today was that I had all the "wrong" food. Basically burgers and chips and jelly. It's great being old - this second childhood - no longer having to do all that "grown-up" shit, eat all that grown-up food, listen to all that grown-up music ...... - so it's laughing when I'm dumped, it's burgers and jelly, and I liked the music in today's restaurant too - tasteful lady-singer singing Coldplay songs. Thank god I've grown out of all that Art House vegan leafage while listening to Wire-endorsed skronky-parps and moaning about something I've read in the Guardian.

And this music which I've made tonight - yes it is all part of my second childhood - an overdose of luscious irresistible childish echo which the mature will frown at. As Alec Empire once said to me - "when I hear the word 'mature' I reach for my revolver" - except I always had trouble understanding him and one or more or all of those words might be wrong.
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(recorded this evening, photo Southampton today)
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released October 1, 2021

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